(A notice of warning: most of the links in this blog lead you to YouTube videos that don’t have anything to do with the review. Only access them if you are bored and in a safe place. You have been warned.)
I usually don’t play a lot of Dynasty Warriors games, but when I do I try to get at least a 100% in the bitch.
Hello y’all. Yes, that’s right, I mean you. Here I am, bringing you a sparkling happy and exciting review about a PlayStation Vita game! Exactly, I have a Vita now. I’m a bit late to the party, but that can’t stop me. Dynasty Warriors Next, the first interesting title on this god forsaken handheld, at least for my taste, no wonder it was sold out almost immediately. But I got a physical copy of that game. This review is going to be long, just like the game, so prepare your eyes. Or skip to the rating, simple as that. In the meantime, a message from someone who definitely isn’t our sponsor:
Before we start, let me talk about the Vita. When I turned it on for the first time, I was really amazed. It’s just a very great machine. It feels good in your hands, it teaches you all the modern touch/shake/move shit, and it has two cameras. Both of them suck, but you don’t buy this for the cameras, you buy it for the games! Well, yeah, music too maybe, but I’ll get to that later. Now what really sucks, is that there is no video output. I thought now that I got a damn Vita I could make some video reviews, but no! No video output for me, no video review for you. I am sorry for you guys with a short attention span, but y’all will have to read. Again.
Alright, now, the Dynasty Warriors series is old and well known, so I assume that you know at least a tiny bit about it. Like most Koei games, the whole series is from the hack and slash genre. And while remaining true to the original story most of the time, it evolved a lot. New characters, new movesets, new gameplay, and still always kind of the same. And that’s great, if you are a true fan you will get no bad surprises at all.
Yes, characters, not one character, not two, but 65 playable characters by now. With this many characters you would think this is a fighting game, but it is not. This is war, and the enemy is outnumbered. Now what does a true warrior of the Three Kingdoms do in this situation? He beats the shit out of them, what else?! As for the characters, not much changed since Dynasty Warriors 7: Xtreme Legends. Still the same characters, but four of them have new weapons: Xu Huang (ass-huge axe), Pang De (fat club with spikes), Yueying (douche-version of a scythe), and Dong Zhuo (actual bombs this time, I don’t even…). So yeah, their moveset is also different, of course. In addition, every single character has a new Musou Attack called Speed Musou. Now for you who don’t know, a Musou Attack is when your gauge is full and you fuck shit up with a single attack. Speed Musou is the same, just that you have to do something with your Vita system, like shaking or touching or whatever. It’s not so much to do damage, but to build up your combo counter.
Yes, you can actually reach high hit-combos. I got one over 6600 once, and that was just me running from one end to another, again and again and again. There are enough enemies to do that. What’s it good for? Nothing actually, other than filling up another new feature: The Break Gauge. What does it do? It fucks the enemy up! It lets you take one of the enemy bases, and the enemy can’t take it back from you! Use it wisely! Also! There is no health bar in this game. You may know this system from shooter games: your screen turns more red the more health you have lost, and it recovers on it’s own. Makes things easier? Nope. The enemies are attacking more aggressively than in any other Dynasty Warriors title, you need this.
Now, if you never played a Dynasty Warriors, Samurai Warriors, Sengoku Basara or Warriors Orochi title before, you may ask how exactly the gameplay is. But guess what, I won’t tell you! There are enough YouTube videos with gameplay out there, ask me directly if you want to see something special about the “Next” title.
Now what modes does this game have? It has the Campaign Mode, the Conquest Mode and the Coalition Mode. The Campaign Mode is the story mode, obviously. What is your goal? It’s to unify China and screw over anyone who stands in
Lu Bu’s your way, simple as that! You pick a chapter, you get some characters to play with, and then you conquer territory to territory until you defeat the leader of the enemy force. Simple as that. In some battles, you will be forced to pick a certain character, but sometimes you can choose. You can also choose who comes with you and who cleans up your house while you’re gone or takes the dog out or whatever they do in their free time! Mind you though, you may have 65 characters in total, but not all of them are available in the story or participate in the story at all! This sucks, actually! In Dynasty Warriors 7, you knew who they were by playing them, now you have to read the in-game Encyclopedia! You have to read again.
The Conquest Mode is more like a free mode. You pick the force you want to play as and the leader of that force, and then you choose the enemy force. And then you just have a strategical clash against each other until only one force remains. You can choose to fight up to four forces at the same time, and they will fight against each other as well. It’s all against all. Now what is it good for? You can unlock additional Officer Cards. Officer Cards are needed if you want to play a character, and each has own abilities. What do these additional Cards do? They provide your character with an alternate set of abilities and a new costume. These costumes are not actually new, they are from Dynasty Warriors 6. Huh, what? Not all of the available characters were in Dynasty Warriors 6? You are right. They are the ones that have entirely new costumes, isn’t that just great? And if those costumes aren’t enough for you, there are more available as DLC, $0,99 each or $9,99 for a set. All of them are the original school-themed outfits that were also DLC for Dynasty Warriors 7, so if you are into that shit like me, you know where to get it. There are currently only outfits for Wu and Wei officers, but the rest will come soon, I guess.
On a side-note: Your leader can also marry one allied officer and become bros with two others. This will give you some advantages, and you will also recieve better items now and then.
As a closet yuri-fanperson I somewhat disapprove of the fact that there are no same-sex marriages, but this is the year 200 A.D., I guess ideas like that didn’t exist back then.
And here comes the Coalition Mode. This mode is a bitch! This is the 4-player ad-hoc mode, and if you think you can just ignore this one, you are wrong. This stupid mode is what prevents me from getting 100% in this game. There are four items you can only obtain by accomplishing certain requirements in this mode, you can look them up on gamefaqs.com. It’s impossible to do this without the help of at least another player, don’t even try it! Y’all frustrated if you do. Unfortunately, I have no friends with either Vita systems or Dynasty Warriors Next, at least not in my region! It sucks! The platinum trophy would have been so easy to get otherwise.
Now that we are done with the modes, a bit more about the gameplay: Sometimes, you will have a Sudden Encounter in the game. This means you were ambushed and have to fight off enemy units with your hand! So stop jacking off and touch those bastards to hell! They deserve it for interrupting your combo, and you will get weapons if you do it as fast as possible, how sweet is that. And sometimes, you will also have to duel against certain enemy officers, and that can be a pain in the ass on Chaos difficulty. But you’ll manage.
Last but not least, I want to scratch on the surface of playing online a bit. Basically, you will encounter “ghost data” of other players in Conquest Mode, that basically you can see their self-created characters (yes, you can do that), their rank which determines the difficulty you have when you are fighting against their army, and guess what: their stupid name. What is it good for. To add a bit of challenge, to see who is also playing this game, and to gain additional EXP. You can also challenge them in certain mini-games, once you finished them off.
And that’s it! I rate this game 3 kingdoms, out of 3. Yes, that’s the maximum fucking score, because this is a brilliant game for the Vita! It’s not as deep as previous Dynasty Warriors games, but it’s still good! But those kingdoms hate each other because the Coalition Mode is such a pain, so it’s not quite a maximum rating if you get what I mean. Cheers!